Does it get better from here?

It’s been two weeks since my little kitten disappeared. Every time I come home, I look for him around the house. Every time I leave the house, I look to make sure he’s not sitting in the driveway or the yard. I still have his little cat house in the living room. I emptied his food dishes, but they’re still in the garage. I haven’t moved the litter box yet.

I guess I just keep praying that he’s going to come home. But at the same time I get these horrible visions in my head of him lying on the street or in a yard somewhere just meowing for me because he’s hurt. Please, please, please let him be okay and just living in someone else’s house. Someone that is taking super good care of him and loves him like I do.

On another note, it’s been exactly one month, one week and one day since my miscarriage. I know this because I have a ticker on my signature on the bump. I’m a glutton for punishment I guess. I got the mail last night and what was in there? A sample package with two full cans of formula. Was that ever a punch in the gut. Thanks for reminding me that I won’t be needing that formula ANY time soon. But it doesn’t expire till 2014, so we’re going to hang on to it just in case. I will put it very far back in the pantry. On a very low shelf.

To further add to my misery, all I keep seeing on FB are updates of people who are pregnant, people who are announcing their pregnancies and people who are showing off baby pictures left and right. Has the world realized that I am not part of this little club and decided to rub it in my face? Nonstop?

Some of the girls that got married the same month I did broke off of TK and formed a little FB group. Five of them (I was the sixth) are pregnant. And right now, they’re all posting their cute little baby announcements to the world and I can’t help but be insanely jealous. I should be right where they are right now. Figuring out a super cute way to let everyone know we’re having a baby. But I’m that evil person right now who can’t even be happy for them. I just want to be in their shoes.

Sorry this post is such a downer. I’m bummed today – this week – and I just needed to vent.


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